Trust me, I’m an expert.
We’ve all dreamed of that movie magic, fairy tale romance at some point in our lives. For me, it started in middle school. I was a shy boy and never talked to a girl before (unless they spoke to me first and I nervously replied).
However, I saw her reflection in the window of the school bus as I was walked towards my usual seat. I was captivated by her beauty and stopped dead in my tracks. Her hair, black as the night, was curled down to her shoulders; her skin was naturally tanned; she had a freckle on her bottom lip, and tears cascading down her cheeks. I don’t know how I mustered the courage, but I sat next to her and thus began a three-year relationship. For a couple of thirteen year old kids, that was quite the accomplishment.
I started out with a bang. Poetry, letters, song dedications. She had never met the likes of me before. However, as puberty took over and life became more complicated, my efforts lessened, my expectations grew, and I eventually lost her to another man. I still consider that a successful first love experience. I learned a lot.
I had another major relationship in between my first love and my wife of (soon to be this September) eleven years. Something I know how to do, is love hard. What I had to learn as I grew up was how to maintain the effort. It doesn’t always have to be grand gestures, but you do need to keep things interesting and remind her from time to time why she chose you.
Which brings me to my topic of discussion. How to decide on the perfect date? So many people get hung up on this when really the answer is simple. First thing you have to do is realize that it isn’t about YOU.
What is your goal of the date? You’re trying to woo HER. That doesn’t mean you never get to take her somewhere you want to go that she’s probably not interested in. We’re playing the long game here. There will be plenty of time for you to do what you want. In fact, being selfish sometimes will make her love you even more, but that’s a topic for another time. The perfect date is all about HER.
Next, you have to pay attention. Women are generally experts of conversation, however, they are also amazing at withholding information. A woman usually won’t tell you flat out what she wants (with exception), but rather she’ll send you subtle signals, like a trail of bread crumbs leading you to the promised land.
She does this because she’s testing you. You have to realize, most women can get any guy, so she needs several levels of defense to choose the right guy. If she says what she wants, any schmuck can deliver and she could end up with her heart broken. However, if you pay attention, and listen, she’ll show/tell you everything you need to win her over, or if you’re already dating, how to keep her in love with you.
Let’s say your lady loves a certain band. Perhaps she wears their merchandise, or is often signing their lyrics, then you’re in luck because that’s an easy, yet incredible date. Find out when they’ll be in your area and get those tickets. Don’t stress about front row. Trust me, she’d rather be at the show in the nosebleeds than at home missing the concert because you were too embarrassed to take her. You’re playing the long game, remember? One day, you’ll be in the position to get better seats, but don’t wait.
Let’s say, like my wife, she’s into photography. My wife loves taking pictures, specifically of animals. She has thousands of photos that she took with her phone. One year, for Christmas, I bought her a camera. Like one of those professional looking cameras. It wasn’t high end, I’m not rich, but it was something to get her started. Now, whenever I want to take her on a perfect date, I find some place where she can use her camera to take pictures of animals. We’ve gone to zoos, or when funds are low, hikes along the local trails. She loves it and I follow along, holding her bags and equipment, and I do my best to stay enthused and point out animals I see so she can get a shot. She loves it, and by the end, she’s enamored.
You get the idea. It isn’t always about fancy restaurants or expensive getaways. The best dates are the ones that cater to her hobbies and interests. Just pay attention to what she’s paying attention to, and find a way to bring more of that to her. She’ll love you for it. It shows that you care, and reminds her that she made the right decision in letting her defenses down for you. Try it, and thank me later =]